In news that just about makes up for everything shit that’s ever happened to anyone, Rory Sloane has gone and bloody signed a five year contract with the Adelaide Crows Football Club.

The gloriously lengthy contract will see Sloane play out the rest of his career as a Crow boy, with the deal set to wrap up in 2023. (Which is like a hundred million years away yeaahhhh boiii)

It’s been a tense few months waiting for the two-time best-and-fairest winner to get the ol’ Bic Biro out and make a commitment, with several grown men including my father Brian actually developing stress ulcers in the interim.

And let’s be real, he kept us dangling didn’t he. Melbourne teams were sniffing around the restricted free agent like a pack of hungry hyenas, salivating all over that honey glazed body of his.

And yeah I’m not gonna lie, we were all nervous. Maybe because been burnt before. *Cough* Dangerfield. *Cough* McClure.

But Rory, the loyal sun of a gun, along with everyone else in this fine State seems pretty stoked that he and his lovely wife Belinda will be sticking around.

This is a great footy club and I have said many times before how much I respect and love the place and people, particularly the playing group,”

“There is always a lot to weigh up, especially given Belinda and I are about to start a family, and we have been in constant talks with the club for some time. I’m super excited about what the future holds, both from a personal and football perspective.

“We have created a great environment where there is a genuine care for each other and strong desire to achieve the ultimate success.”

I’ll leave you with one of the more impassioned reactions to the news from Fresh’s good friend James McCann.